1.11.09

Clay Aiken Cyber Bullying - Cyber Stalking



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It's For the Children!



What has this blog title got to do with Clay Aiken?
If you haven't read his book
Learning to Sing Hearing the Music in Your Life it is highly recommended for all ages.





Not long ago a casual acquaintance asked me if I ever heard of "cyber bullies". This lady is not using a computer, and asked me as I do occasional things for her on mine. She told me her granddaughter in university was upset by being bullied on-line, and the lady was confused by this. She thought bullies were only physical beings in elementary school or maybe gangs. I compiled the following information and printed it out for her. She admitted to living a very sheltered life and was horrified that things like this were done.
What could I say, other than I see it every day on the internet no matter how much I try not to and have learned to quickly pass it by.

What is bullying?

Bullying is persistent unwelcome behaviour, mostly using unwarranted or invalid criticism, nit-picking, fault-finding, also exclusion, isolation, being singled out and treated differently, being shouted at, humiliated, excessive monitoring, having verbal and written warnings imposed, and much more.

History is full of stories about the bullies of their times. Why? How do children learn this despicable act? They learn it from their parents and peers.
Unfortunately this bad behavior has spread with the advent of the internet. People both young and old seem to get a kick out of being rude and disrespectful. It's sad.



Adult cyber bullies are referred to as cyber stalkers

The Internet provides the perfect forum for cyber bullies, individuals whose aim is to gain gratification from the distress caused by provoking and tormenting others.

The anonymity, ease of provocation, and almost infinite source of targets means the Internet is full of predators from pedophiles targeting children to serial bullies targeting ... anybody.

Cyber bullies get a perverse sense of satisfaction (called gratification) doing this.
Serial bullies harbour a lot of internal aggression which they direct at others.

This may include projection, false criticism and patronising sarcasm whilst contributing nothing of any value. In every case it's a fabrication or a distortion - usually the former.
The purpose of this tactic is to wind people up. Don't be fooled into believing it has any validity - it doesn't.

People who bully are adept at creating conflict between those who would otherwise pool negative information about them.

The method of creating conflict is provocation which bullies delight in because they know they can always coerce at least one person to respond in a manner which can then be distorted and used to further flame and inflame people. And so it goes on.



The bully then sits back and gains gratification from seeing others engage in destructive behaviour towards each other. This is known as trolling.
Most serial bullies are also serial attention-seekers. More than anything else they want attention. It doesn't matter what type of attention they get, positive or negative, as long as they can provoke someone into paying them attention.

It's like a 2-year-old child throwing a tantrum to get attention from a parent. The best way to treat bullies is to refuse to respond and to refuse to engage them - which they really hate.

In other words, do not reply to their postings, and on forums carry on posting without reference to their postings as if they didn't exist. In other words, treat nobodies as nobodies.

The anger of a serial bully is especially apparent when they come across someone who can see through them to espy the weak, inadequate, immature, dysfunctional aggressive individual behind the mask.

The objectives of bullies are Power, Control, Domination, Subjugation. They get a kick out of seeing you react.

It doesn't matter how you react, the fact they've successful provoked a reaction is, to the bully, a sign that their attempt at control have been successful.

After that, it's a question of wearing you down. The more your try to explain, negotiate, conciliate, etc the more gratification they obtain from your increasingly desperate attempts to communicate with them.

Understand that it is not possible to communicate in a mature adult manner with a disordered individual.



Dealing with Cyber bullies/stalkers

- Don't respond and don't engage. This is not as easy to do as it sounds. It's a natural response to want to defend yourself, and to put the person right.

- Never argue with a serial bully; it's not a mature adult discussion, but like dealing with a child or immature teenager; whilst the serial bully may be an adult on the outside, on the inside they are like a child who's never grown up - and probably never will.

- The provoker watches, waits and stirs the pot with the occasional additional provocation.
In this context, gratification is a perverse form of satisfaction akin to, but distinct from, pleasure.

- When people use bullying behaviours they project their own weaknesses, failings and shortcomings on to others.
Refusing to respond and engage will result in the cyberbully losing interest and moving on.




On to a nicer topic -- Can Clay Aiken sing country?
You bet he can! I love songs on his early demo recordings, a number of which are country.
This montage is for Clay's

I'm Not Supposed to Love You Any More
from the demo LWLHD





Clay Nation did a great job with the Trick or Treat Challenge fundraiser for Halloween weekend.
Please donate daily if you can, and/or hang in until the BIG PUSH for the last two days!
We want to keep in the top 12! More information on that later!!
America's Giving Challenge

Another yearly fundraiser project in motion:
Wrapping for Inclusion is another way to contribute to The National Inclusion Project. Read all about it at:
Wrapping for Inclusion

What: A nationwide awareness and fundraiser campaign for the National Inclusion Project.
When: The Holiday Season
Why: To help raise awareness and support for the National Inclusion Project, spread holiday cheer, and have fun!
How: If you would like to volunteer, please send your contact info to Aron Hall Inclusion Project .




22 comments:

Carolina Clay said...

Joan,

Thank you for a very comprehensive and timely blog about bullying. You provided lots of great reading material. Thnx for the handsome visuals, too.

Have a great week!

Caro

LovesClaysVoice said...

Thank you Ashes for all the information about bullying. It needs to stop on so many levels. I loved your montage! That song is one of my favorites of all of Clay's demos.

Anonymous said...

Hi Joan,

Thank You for all the Very Important information on "Cyber Bulling." I feel so bad for the young people of today and their parents that have to worry about this. Very Scary!!

I love the book LTS, read it several rimes, but I REALLY LOVE the audio book LTS....I feel like Clay is talking just to me! I wish! lol

The montage and your graphic's are awesome! As Always!

Hope your having a good day...

Hugs,
Marlyne

claysweetea said...

I sure hope the biggest bully of all is reading this blog!

I love the beautiful fall artwork here. Thanks!!!

PaulaBear said...

Thank you, ashes, for the great, extensive information about cyber bullying! It's beyond time for our legislators to get more involved in this issue and stop it before more innocent people are hurt by it.

clayitagain said...

This article is amazing and spot on...

It's easy to sit behind a monitor, where you can hide your identity..Gives some people a sense of power....

I have seen this over the past 6 years, people who get a charge out of bringing grief to people that just want to enjoy themselves. It's so sad...

This article is wonderful and should be posted all over...We all know about the Cyber Bullying, and Clay Aiken has been the brunt of a lot of unnecessary stalking....

Hugs,
Judy

katy said...

Excellentr information regarding bullying which is so pervasive in our society. And yes, Clay Aiken can sing country.

bonniecarmen said...

Such an important topic, and so well outlined. Thanks Joan!! Parents just don't understand how devastating bullying can be. Again, a great blog! luv B

clayam said...

Once again a very informative blog. And I love the montage, the way Clay Aiken sings I am not supposed to love you anymore always brings tears to my eyes, that is one of my all time favorite Clay songs.

Anonymous said...

Those are great pictures you used in the montage. I'm still drooling. I love it when you use those older songs of Clay's.

That's quite a long article on bullying. Glad to see it even includes bullying on the computer.

Great Blog! Lois

CLAYCOLOMBIA said...

Hi Joanne, Thanks for the important information about Bullying.

I love the first photo of Clay (you know)

The montage "I'm Not Supposed To Love You Any More" really beautiful!!. Thanks
Rossy

Anonymous said...

My 19 year old daughter asked to read LTS and loved it. She feels a better connection to Clay, the man, after reading what he went thru in his childhood. She was bullied at school in the 3rd grade. Once she started to stand up for herself, that stopped happening.

Rhode Island Fan said...

Thanks so much for this blog. I just rewatched the episode of Dr. Phil when Clay was one and cyber bullying was discussed. Clay said that he was no longer being picked on, but, unfortunately he is. I am looking forward to the day when it will not be considered "cool" to pick on Clay Aiken. He is one in a million--love him and his big voice and big heart.

Anonymous said...

Stalkers deserve no attention and doing the right thing is always the best way to live. In fact living well is the best response. Clay Aiken can go to sleep at night with a clear conscience.

Anonymous said...

Cyber stalking is alive and well. Anyone who follows Clay Aiken and reads the blogs knows very well that there are plenty of bullies out there with nothing better to do then write blogs full of lies. I hope we are nearing a time when prosecution of these bullies is a reality.

ImGranny said...

Thanks for the great blog including a lot of info on cyber bullying and cyber stalking.

I hope we can keep the NIP high enough in donations to win a donation from America's Giving Challenge.

musicfan said...

Ashes......this was a very interesting blog. Bullying of any kind is horrible, but so hard to control on-line.

Thank you for all the information.

dee said...

Bullying is rampant now . We all ... children and adults alike ... need to know the facts about it and how to handle it .

Thanks for the informative blog and for the reminder about supporting The Project .

dwsk said...

Great job, Joan. Cyber bullying and stalking must be stopped.
Dawn

Anonymous said...

Thanks so much Ashes.
I learn so much by reading these wonderful blogs from you and CarolinaClay. I love Poppies and will be planting them every year in honor of our service men and women!! Poppies everywhere!!!

I intended to read your blog and view the videos later, because I tend to wonder a bit and lose track of time. But when you posted the Unchained Melody video, I just couldn't help myself. So I lost the whole morning watching all the Unchained Melody videos, more than once I might add! lol

What a great country we live in, sure we have our problems, but the USA is still the land of the free and the home of the brave. I am proud to be an American and wish to thanks all those that put their lives on the line to protect us every GOD given day!

Now back to read your blog again!!
Thanks
Sharrie

Allegra said...

People who normally wouldn't bully have feel safe to do because through the internet you don't have to be face-to-face. It's a real problem. Thank you for getting the word out.

copingincalifornia said...

Thank you as always for your lovely blog.

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